What is Alan Green on ? On leaving Elland Road yesterday I turned on my radio and to my astonishment heard the once much respected Five Live commentator saying to Mark Lawrenson - "Despite it being 4-3 you cant say it was a good game". He meant it. Lawrenson choked like a public school boy at his "initiation" ceremony. Well if that wasn't a good game then we may all as well pack in. Surely the whole point of football is to entertain the viewing, or indeed in Mr Alan Smarmy Green's case the listening public.

What more did he want ? 7 goals, all well taken , 4 of them world class finishes - the Liverpool goals were quite good too :-) , 3 goal line clearances, a hit post, blood and thunder challenges, 2 vocal sets of supporters , AND ...wait for it.....Gary Kelly controlling a ball, beating a man and crossing it the right side of the goal line all in the space of 11 seconds ! Alan Green is a tw*t. I used to think he was the bees knees but now he's turned into a footballing snob with a big fat football sized plum shoved up his huge hairy arse. If only this was the case. Kiss my f****ng arse Alan Green.

Anyway it's more appropriate in these "difficult" days of supporting Leeds United that us faithful money paying observers should be more positive and upbeat about the situation. Crisis - what crisis ? Houllier summed it up perfectly - Leeds starting line up is missing only 3 players Martyn, Radebe and Kewell. So what's all the excitement and sympathy about. Exactly !

11:30 kick offs are crap cos nobody had a chance to get bevvied before the game. Also the sun shines directly into the Kop's face for all of the game. The rookie Robinson gazing into the aforementioned fireball for the first half remained motionless as 2 free kicks from McAllister (TV replays suggest both were correctly awarded despite the Leeds' fans obvious annoyance at the time) were neatly headed home, unchallenged, by Mssrs Hypia and Ziege. And that highlighted what is wrong with English football, and what I think Alan Green was trying to say. Nobody can defend. Isn't it brilliant though ! :-)

20 minutes gone. Woodgate already having limped out to be replaced by Hay - who, considering he has been thrown into some very, very deep pools recently, has been outstanding. The Kiwi's touch is good and his lack of pace is made up for in commitment and a genuine desire to succeed.

So 2-0 down, our 5th and 6th choice central defenders in place, Liverpool with what looked like a team of giants in front of us, Fowler, Gerrard and Barmby on their bench and only two outfield players left on ours. Come on God ! give us a chance! Luckily it was the adfore mentioned Ziege who gave us the chance. His clearance was chased down by the tireless Smith and Viduka presented with a big box of chocolates of a chance coolly lifted the ball over Westerveld as the Finn advanced, just like in Jaws. Superb finish.

Liverpool were still in the ascendancy though as Dacourt and Bakke struggled to make any impression against a top class Liverpool midfield. Poor Burns forgot that he had to take the ball with him when he attempted to run with it. I'm not slagging the kid off cos again he runs his antipodean bollocks off and his lack of composure on the ball will surely improve as he settles into the cauldron that is Premiership (and Champs League) football. Heskey's header from yet another McAllister cross was somehow cleared by Gary Kelly. Hamman, one-on-one with Robbo, could have sealed it before half time: the youngster spread himself well like Flora on warm toast. However, it was Leeds that came closest though on the stroke of half time as Harte's free kick was headed against the post by McAllister, following Dacourt's 25 yarder that was tipped over.

As an aside I'm not going to call McAllister "Judas" anymore - he never wanted to leave Leeds and it was Wilko that talked him into going. Oh yeah !? So from now on the The Man Formerly Known as Judas (TMFKAJ) will be called The Money grabbing turncoat billiard ball head. Only joking Gary - thanks for the memories AND the championship BUT can you deliver your delicious crosses into somebody else's 18 yard box please !

Half time and the Elland Road faithful prayed that Viduka's half time cup of vegimite along with his 6 Tescos mini-Pork Pies would give the Aussie that vital extra that his team needed from him. I don't know about you lot but my favourite type of goal is one that involves a full back pissing down the wing, crossing it from the by-line into the box where it is met powerfully by a hulking centre-forward and despite a full length dive from the keeper it crashes into the top corner, bulging the net like a teenager's pants when he discovers the Internet for the 1st time. Preferably the above scenario occurs when the attackers are wearing Leeds shirts, and when the action takes place no more that 20 yards infront of me. Crash, Bang, Whallop 2-2.

It's strange, or maybe I am. But whenever you dream about football and playing in a big game for your beloved team, everything is always set for you to come on and score the winner in spectactular style. The ball from Kelly comes arrowing in at a perfect height, you rise to beat the defence and with one eye on the ball and the other on the top corner of the net you thrust your neck forward and meet the ball with the full force of your forehead....a goal surely ...but No !....in the dream the ball always sticks to your head velcro style or the ball suddenly becomes a rolled up sock and drops tamely into the keepers hands. Ok it's me that's strange then.

Back to all square at 2-2. Liverpool fans silent, Leeds fans unforgiving of their treatment of Bowyer and Woody regarding possible impending custodial sentences. This was football as we all remember it and love it. (apart from Alan Green of course) The Kop were still catching their breath when Smith pounced on a weak back pass and with the goal at his mercy eased the ball towards it carefully...3-2! YES ! From a trap door on the edge of the 6 yard line Carragher appeared and toe ended the ball for a corner. Smith held his head in despair. The Leeds crowd pinched each other. Oi ! get off me !

The game was opening up now and Liverpool sensing an injustice after their early onslaught hit back. On the hour a sweet move released Liverpool down the left with Berger, who neatly found Smicer who in turn wrong footed the Leeds defence and slid the ball effortlessly passed Robinson (who had earlier denied Heskey with his legs as the former Leicester man got the rare better of Hay) The Liverpool fans went potty.

You might have expected Leeds to have capitulated at this point but No! Dacourt dug in and Leeds started to drive forward. Smith put the fear of God into the Anfield defence and with Gary Kelly showing that he has a fantastic spirit, despite an alarming dip in form, Leeds felt they could move any mountain. Viduka waltzed into the box and with a turn reminiscent of Fred Astaire left Ginger Rogers (Partik Berger) on her/his arse before an angled shot crept into the far corner. Pandemonium in the Kop. 3-3 !

MARK VIDUKA ! (clap clap clap clap clap) sang 3 sides of Elland Road. A king was born. The King saluted the masses and encouraged them to encourage him more. There was a hell of a lot of encouragement knocking about at this moment in time. 2 minutes later Dacourt's shot-cum-pass landed at Viduka's feet, for once the flag stayed down - the linesman should have lifted it, he tried to but an invisible force emanating from Billy Bremner's statue on Lowfields kept the lineman's arm down. Westerveld scrambled out and Viduka having chipped the Muppet Show's Beaker look-a-like for the 1st goal repeated the feat.

Words cannot describe the crowd's reaction. For those of you who have never been to Elland Road, or indeed to live game with 40,000+ people and actually witnessed a goal of such quality and significance then I'm afraid you've missed out on something very special in life.

Viduka and his team mates celebrated in a mass pile only 10 yards away from me. Again an invisible force manifested which drew me to the scene and along with 50 other equally entranced supporters was swept down the steps towards our new Messiah. Luckily 2 spotty stewards with the unlikely combined strength of Geoff Capes and Samson held us all back.

MARK VIDUKA !(clap clap clap clap clap) - the emotionally and physically drained King raised his arms and smiled his biggest smile since getting the keys to the local pie factory for the evening. MARK VIDUKA ! (clap clap clap clap clap) In 25 years of watching Leeds United I cannot honestly recall a player's name being sung so loud and by so many. The Liverpool fans fell silent and their minds returned to hot car stereos and rats in dustbins. 4-3 up. This was going to be no Barcelona or Tranmere last minute heart-break. O'Leary's young babies have learned that harsh lesson.

Scores on the sweet door of victory

Robinson 7 Two very important saves, not the best at crosses yet but he still has 15+ years ahead to learn that !

Kelly 9 When he's up for it there is no better player to have in your team. Literally fought all day and gave ref Ellary a few harsh words. This is what the captain should be like. Brilliant our Gary !

Harte 6 Free kicks, throws and passing still rubbish but hey who gives a f**k when you've won !

Woody 6 Injured. Dived in on Heskey rashly for 1st goal.

Hay 7 Getting better and better. Not overawed and showed some class touches.

Matteo 8 Switched to central defence and had his best game for Leeds. Looked classy and composed. Obviously had a point to prove. Done for the 3rd goal but most defenders would have.

Burns 5 Did nothing with the ball but ran, chased, harried and hustled to good effect.

Bakke 6.5 Again not at his best but against a quality Liverpool midfield was not over shadowed or out-fought.

Dacourt 7.5 Started very slowly but picked up the tempo and drove Leeds forward well when 3-2 down.

Bowyer 7 Annoyed the ref and the opposition. Could have been sent off. Worked as hard as you could expect. Not much room in the midfield for his forceful runs.

Smith 9 Never stopped running. Babbel fouled him numerous times. Played the perfect foil for the King...

Viduka 10 Four attempts, Fours goals. Had the Midas touch today but showed so much class in all his finishes that it could never bee seen as a one off.

Ref 5 Whilst at the game, 7 when watching the whole game on Sky Afterwards.

So Mr Alan Green - not a very good game then eh ?

Reporter: Stotty