'When destiny calls...when there is trouble around...when armies rule the skies and thieves run the ground...there is only one man who can keep the punks at bay! He's not doing anything, he wears slightly dated clothes...err...he's the cheapest anyway! Hello readers! It's the no.10 of Ravenscar: Ravenscar's no.10!

Welcome everyone to my weekly "thing"! Here is where you will find my delayed reaction to out of date news, my attempts to make you titter using pilfered ideas and stuff that's got something to do with Leeds United Association Football Club (Official Champions League 3rd Qualifying Round Qualifiers).

Firstly I had an experience the other day that I'm sure most of you will have been through. I was standing on South Bay, Scarborough, watching the Crappy Radio 1 Chris Moyles Thing with my Leeds supporting mates, and we all happened to be wearing the stylish new Leeds home shirt, made in partnership with those lovely sportswear giants, Nike. I looked down and to my horror all 3 Strongbow logos had faded and two were peeling. Now usually my clothes normallylast longer than ONE MONTH before ageing like this. It's been labelled 'The kit to dream in' (by Nike themselves). Yeah, to dream of another kit manufacturer! For £40 this is crap (but we'll all be buying this year's away shirt, won't we?). Say it with me: 'EXPLOITATION!'

Because I've taken my exams this year I've had a lot of free time. And unfortunately I've slipped into the downward spiral that is teletext-addiction. Every half hour I'll be checking BBC, ITV, Ch5 in regular order to see if Leeds have finally completed the signings of Jardel, Geremie, Joos van Whatsisname and finally sold Duberry. But the squad strengthening is not going too well. Hiden,Haaland and Hopkin have gone and Huckerby, Harte and Hay must be filling their pants. The two (!) players we have brought in are of a better standard than those that have left but we were all expecting so much more.

This is no small help to Peter Ridsdale. In my opinion the guy is fantastic and a credit to the club but he is a supporter at heart and he talks like one of us: naïve about transfers, excited about new arrivals. If he hadn't have promised that "THREE more players WILL arrive" we wouldn't be expecting THREE more players and we would be happier about pre-season. So my expectations have now increased to THREE more players and a PR manager. Sorry Pete!

Even if we were to sign THREE more players, I'm not sure if David O'Leary (respect) would use them correctly. If you remember, he played Bowyer until he couldn't move instead of using other players when he had the chance. It's crucial that we sign the players and once they're signed, they get used, because this (hopefully) is going to be a long season.

To find out what will happen in the said new season I asked the extremely biased Alf-Inge Haaland look-a-like Gary Jordan about it. He said "No problem, Champions League, Premier League, Italian League, J-League, easy!" I then asked someone else, the slightly more realistic, if a bit foul-mouthed, ladies-man Simon Allen, who said, "Aye, well f***in' Leeds, eh? Should win f***in' everything. Just you f***in' wait." "Cheers, boys!" I said before running off, quick march on the double. I decided that it's my thing and my opinion should be there. So I'll save it for next week, if I've got owt to write about.

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Bye, bye children!